i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
