No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I deserve this hangover.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
