Apparently you make a good broom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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