love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
