So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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