she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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