So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
