I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
