Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
