she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
