Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
