Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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