i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
