im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
