then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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