i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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