I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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