it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
