we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
