After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
