OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
