it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
