just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My bed smells like the plague
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
