Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
