Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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