i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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