I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
