Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
