I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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