my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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