Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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