i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
