I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
