Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She even gives head with a lisp.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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