I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
