Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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