she was so not down for the gang bang
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
