but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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