Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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