I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
