I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
