Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
