One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
