So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My cat gives me a boner
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
