I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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