oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
