You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
