SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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