we have pet lesbian snakes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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