I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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