At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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