hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
