Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
