What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
