Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
