pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this boner is exhausting
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
