Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
