I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
