the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
