we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
