You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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