I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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