i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
