I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just had sex on a roof
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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