I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
