awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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