so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
