why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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