whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
