You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
did i walk over a car last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
