hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
