I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
