Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
