so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize