The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
