i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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